Amy from I Should B has written a heartfelt blog especially for Little Flea about her experiences with bullying and how it led her to starting her business. Having been bullied myself at school and it having a massive affect on my life, this blog has really resonated with me. Read on to hear Amy’s story.
For a good number of my adult years I spent a lot of time feeling absolutely paralysed during a conversation. Fearful to speak up and say what was in my head – expecting that the response would probably be the entire room of people turning to look at me as if to say ‘who let this IDIOT in?!’ Waiting for jeers, or sniggering, or disinterest from anyone I was conversing with. I pre-empted these situations by saying ‘this is probably absolutely ridiculous and boring, but…’ before any other point I had to make.
The root of this I fully believe happened when I was around 16/17 when my closest/bestest/’nothing will tear us apart’ friend suddenly dropped me like a hot potato overnight. For whatever reason it was, I was no longer considered worthy of her friendship, and not only did she make that very clear to me directly, but she corralled our whole friendship group to follow suit – so I felt like I had no-one. It hurt like nothing else I’d felt before. And I remember my first days on an art foundation course in Bristol a couple of years later, looking around at a room of new faces and feeling a rising panic about how hard I’d have to work to change my personality so that I would fit in and they would like me.
And this is the underlying thing which has motivated me in my later years to do absolutely anything within my power to help anyone going through a similar situation.
Why is it that as humans there is often an innate behaviour to push each other down to help ourselves rise? I’ve seen it time and again and it’s what keeps me awake at night. What gives ANYONE the right to behave in such a way to another? I feel there needs to be way more done in schools to really teach kids at a young age about the devastating long-lasting and far-reaching effects of unpleasant and unkind behaviour and bullying.
Why is it that as humans there is often an innate behaviour to push each other down to help ourselves rise?